Healing through Family Constellations Therapy
On a Saturday afternoon in Brooklyn, I sat in a circle at Maha Rose for a family constellations therapy workshop. Psychologist Marine Selenee guided participants to resolve an issue brought forward by a protagonist. The protagonist shared information about their family history, while Marine took inventory of what needed to be resolved in their family system. She guided the protagonist to place representatives in the empty space in the center of our circle to construct a constellation. The circle became a shared psi phenomenon stage where the permeable boundaries between self and other generated the impetus for psychological growth and transformation.
The vehicle for healing was the container held by the group. As the protagonist placed representatives in their field, both the protagonist and the representative did not know who or what they represented. Marine walked around the room asking each representative in the constellation, “how do you feel?” The representatives, still not knowing who or what they were, stood within the field of the protagonist and expressed a range of feelings like confusion, anger, ambivalence, or sadness. Marine expertly analyzed the field as she revealed who each person represented, uncovering the problematic dynamics within the family system with striking insight. In response, the protagonist erupted in emotion. The group stood witness to the powerful emotional release that transformed the space.
Marine celebrated the protagonist’s emotions, which she called a movement. This powerful peak demonstrated how inner dynamics shifted outer reality. In his book Thoughts Without a Thinker, Mark Epstein depicts the protagonist’s transformation as a process when “those aspects that have been unconsciously refused are returned, when they are made conscious, accepted, tolerated, or integrated, the self can then be at one, the need to maintain the self conscious edifice disappears, and the force of compassion is automatically released.” The force of compassion experienced by the protagonist was a powerful energy in the room. Their body language altered from tense and defensive to open and relaxed as they eased into their feelings allowing for a more integrated self. After the constellation, the protagonist described a feeling of love, acceptance, peace, and clarity.
The group collectively felt and witnessed the power of intersubjectivity theory working through us and to us. Dr. Rosenbaum defines intersubjectivity theory as the “reformulation of how selves interact in space together” reinforcing that “the individual unconscious does not reside strictly within the individual.” The circle held a permeable container where aspects of a person and their family system that were excluded or rejected seeded chaos and disorder. This led to unconscious pain that was not contained to the protagonist but felt in various degrees by all of the representatives. The transformative process that transpired returned suffering to a place where safety and trust have been established. Once returned, it allowed for metabolization and integration in a different, more expansive psychological capacity.
In the wake of this experience, I ask myself who is responsible for our suffering? God(s)? Our family system? Ourselves? Humans seek rational answers to every question, especially those without an easy answer. People cast blame on others to absolve themselves from their own suffering in an honest, misguided effort to ease the pain and restless discomfort within them. A better question may be how do we deal with the inevitable suffering of our lives? Humanity has explored meditation, shamanic healing, religion, nature all of which require connection back to life. Suffering is is an invitation to transform ourselves and return to our body, family, and community. Psychological healing requires active effort, trust, and vulnerability. It is a collective experience that combats isolated suffering with compassionate love and deep connection to the mysterious workings of life. When individuals heal there is a group catharsis that can be felt knowingly or unknowingly by all in explainable and unexplainable ways.